I’ve always wondered when people say “God won’t give you anymore than you can bear” – Heck, I’ve said it. What do I know? Why do we think that this will somehow make people facing overwhelming challenges, feel better. Or we say, “I can imagine what you’re feeling.” We can’t. We don’t want to imagine what they are feeling. I dont’ want to imagine what they are feeling, because it scares me. - I CAN’T walk a mile in their shoes. I can barely walk in my own.
What do you say then? What can I say to my dear cousin, who I love like my sister, when I have perfectly healthy children, and she has a baby with overwhelming and unknown challenges? I can’t for a minute think that I understand her fears, her loss, what her life will be in the coming years. I don’t allow myself to imagine what it would be like if my children were not healthy. Where would I find the strength? Do I have what it takes to face overwhelming odds, perservere and overcome? I don’t know. I don’t think I have ever really faced anything that I had to wonder where I would find the strength.
I talked to my Mother-in-law about this today. She experienced a life changing car accident two years ago. She is confined to her home, struggles for breath and is in pain every hour of the day. She says, you just find the strength, you just keep going, there is no other choice.
I’ve always been that “glass half full” girl. But I can’t say I’ve ever faced anything that made me question that. I don’t want to. I want to be there for my family that is facing overwhelming loss. I want to keep the positive coming in without ignoring the reality. I know that there are days that it is all that my mother-in-law can do is to get herself out of bed and dressed for the day. She does it. I want so much for it to get easier. I can’t “fix” her. I can be there, I can make sure that she is getting the best care possible, but she has to face everyday.
I’d love to take my cousins new little baby and make him all better. Hug my cousin tight and take away the pain and fear, but I can’t. I can be there, I can love her, love her husband, and love this new precious baby boy. I can celebrate each of his achievements, bask in the beauty of a new baby. But these parents will face everyday. Everyday will bring a new challenge and new joy.
Will I find better words to console or encourage them than – “God will not give you more than you can bear” – I don’t think so. But I hope as each of my family members fight their battles, I can offer strength and support when it is too much to bear.
